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90 You have the right intentions, but your question is a distraction from the real issue. Your focus should be this: what do I need to do to become a man that women want? There are plenty of moves and tricks that can be easily learned and effectively applied, but their effects will be short-lived. Women are attracted to character traits such as confidence, ambition, social intelligence, decisiveness, and calmness. These traits are not easy to attain, but they are critical to attracting women and maintaining ongoing relationships. The age-old phrase, "Be yourself," is good advice, but incomplete. It has little relevance to someone who has trouble understanding who they really are. With time, we become inundated with extraneous layers and mental filters, causing us to lose touch with our intuition. By removing these obstructions we find that we are naturally equipped with the qualities that women find attractive. *Strip away any unnecessary bits of your identity that do not feel genuine. For example, that "cool" shirt that you never feel comfortable wearing. *Think, speak, and act through your own beliefs and less through the norms and pressures of society, which will only serve to restrain your true character and muffle your presence. *Do not try to avoid or overcome fear. Take action despite fear. Making these changes will allow you to be more comfortable with who you are and will enable you to express yourself with fewer restrictions. We are magnetized to those who are comfortable showing their true colors and being vulnerable in front of others. Approach Of course, attracting women is not a passive process. Even when you have addressed the important issues I explained earlier, you still need to take action when you see a woman you're attracted to. If you are nervous and lack experience, take a very simple and direct approach. For example, you could say to a woman sitting on a bench at the park, "Hey, I noticed you as I walked up the path and I just wanted to say you look very nice." There is little to stumble on and you will appear confident if you deliver it well. For someone with little experience, it is risky to open a conversation with a witty line because it is likely you will be expected to maintain that level of banter for the remainder of the interaction. Body Language The content of what we say makes up for a small percentage of what we communicate to others. The way we speak, our body language, grooming / fashion sense, and a number of other factors are very important when interacting with others. One way to improve your body language is to observe and emulate charismatic individuals such as politicians, actors, or other public figures. Look at their posture (upright and calm, yet stable), the way they walk (long, sure, buoyant steps), their eye contact (inviting and focused), their smile, the way they gesture freely with their hands and arms, and their stance (firmly grounded, not afraid to take up space in a room). Attitude It is important to avoid coming across as needy. When there are few women in your life and you see one who seems perfect for you, the tendency is to desperately put yourself on the line. Women will pick up on that very quickly. It will appear as if saying "yes" to your advances will invite a future of clinginess and saying "no" will break your heart. Do what you can to make her work for your affection because everyone prefers a chase. The right attitude comes from having abundance with women (or acting as if you do). How would you behave if there were ten beautiful women who you dated on a regular basis? Approaching an eleventh beautiful women would come with relative ease because you would be nearly indifferent whether she was attracted to you or not. If she likes you, she is one among eleven. If she does not like you, their are still ten others who do. This is a crude and mathematical explanation, but take away the underlying principle. Believe that you are surrounded by opportunity so that you may project a carefree attitude. Signals Lastly, you mentioned that you have trouble picking up signals. This is often a result of being too self-conscious. When you are too focused on yourself, you close the mental pathways that receive information about other people. This will be less of an issue after you take the steps I mentioned in the beginning. When you are more comfortable with yourself, you will become less self-conscious when interacting with others. Also, it may be the case that you are picking up signals, but you are too afraid to act on them because you think too much, make a second guess, and discard the signal as indifference or dismissal. Instead, escalate and see what happens. If the response is positive, chances are the woman's action prior to your escalation is a positive signal. Remember each signal-action-response for future reference. Here are a few common ways women usually indicate their interest: *She starts or continues conversation when it isn't necessary. *She compliments you. *She touches you. *She qualifies herself in some way. *She smiles and looks at you without saying anything. You aren't shy and you aren't dumb. You just need to get out of your own way. For more insights into social dynamics and tips to achieve firmness of character, follow me on Twitter. 2.13 180 2.11 With all respect, Matthew Manning's answer is NOT helpful. When people respond to, "How do I learn to flirt?" with, "Read a book, paint a picture and travel the world" it makes me furious. Sure, do all that and there wll be side benefits in your dating life, no argument there. But you asked how to improve a concrete skill and nearly 500 smart people echoed back general tips for living a more fulfilling and interesting life. Matthew's recommendations are decent advice for someone trying to improve their life in just about any way. But we still haven't answered your question. If someone asked how to get VC funding, would the most popular Quora answer contain such generic platitudes? No freaking way. Because Quora is made up of people who have developed top 1% skills in tech and entrpreneuship and as a result have had insane success. ''' They know that aside from being a well-rounded, interesting person you need to develop some very specific skills. You need lean startup and a technical background (or whatever, I have no idea which is why you don't see me answering those types of questions). If they recommend a tactic or a book, you can bet that it is battle-freaking-tested. In contrast, I've seen that Quora is severely lacking in people who have put similar efforts into devloping flirting skills or "Game." In fact, Quora is made up of people who do not think flirting is a skillset that can (or ought to) be studied and learned, which is why we wind up with such indirect answers.' Good news, man: you CAN learn this stuff Here is what to do (the first 2 steps are the most important) #Read ''The Game* and/or Magic Bullets. These are best entry level texts and will give you great insights into social interaction. #'Go out and practice'. Seriously. It is going to be scary as all hell, but you have to do it. It is what is ultimately separating you from your best self. #Give Game/Magic Bullets to a friend who is open-minded and shares your struggles. Having a partner in crime makes the oftentimes terrifying learning process way more enjoyable. #Get your hair cut. Rethink your style. Hit the gym. Consider that your "look" contributes to every assumption strangers make about you. I'll bet 10:1 you currently have one that says "I blend in." Make sure it is communicating something interesting about you. #Join the Reddit community on Seduction, Self-Improvement and Pick-up. Share your triumphs and questions #Filter out poisonous mindsets.** Unfortunately, there is a lot of pain in the community that manifests itself in terrible, misanthropic behavior. That's not what Game is. Done well, Game should teach you to leave everyone you interact with better than you found them. Eventually, you'll find that Matthew WAS on to something. Game is ultimately about becoming an awesome person whose lifestyle and energy attract amazing relationships. '''So give what he said a try and stick with whatever interests you. But DON'T forget to develop the specific dating/flirting/Game skillset. Your new badass lifestyle combined with those SPECIFIC skills will make you an incredibly positive and happy person with an abundance of enriching relationships. I'm expecting painfully few upvotes.based on Quora's demographic. Whether you agree with this or not, I'm begging the Question Asker to look for help in a more specialized community (like Reddit, above). I have been in your shoes and I know how much it sucks to live with terrible social skills and crippling social anxiety. '''You can ABSOLUTELY change if you get the right instruction and practice. Good luck P.S. I write about learning Game morally at http://www.kickassacademy.com if you're interested in more on the topic *I want to preempt anyone who is going to cry that the Game preaches tactics that demean women or are based on cutting down their self esteem. Yes, the "neg" is garbage. 100% agreement; it is a bad teaching. No one should do it and Magic Bullets notes this. **If you're referring to women as HB number you're doing it wrong. If you're concerned with "closing" for ego's sake, you're doing it wrong. If you're getting high off validation, you're doing it wrong. If you're being a dick in any way, you're doing it wrong. Remember: leave everyone you interact with better than you found them 1.2 2.13 Here's what you can do: #Read at least one new book a month, and concurrently read a classic novel whenever you're in the bathroom. Don't worry about the pace that you read the classic, just make sure you read and understand it. #Plan and execute at least one "outing" for yourself a week. Go see something interesting in your city or neighborhood. Go take a walk through the forest. Sit by whatever body of water is closest to you. #Learn how to cook at least two or three dishes very well. #Go see a comedian or improv show. If you aren't around any comedy clubs, watch some comedians online. Notice how they create tension and sit comfortably while it twists the listener. Then watch the relief as they release. #Join Spotify and try to find one new song that you like every day. Share your music choices with others. #Save up money and travel somewhere by yourself. Take pictures and write about it. Don't share your pictures or writing with anyone. Those are just for you. #Be artistic in some way. You don't have to be good, just do it. Paint, sculpt, write a poem, carve wood, mold clay, make videos - whatever. Build an artistic outlet. #Find a few old movies that you really like. Find a few movies from other countries that you like. Don't feel ashamed of any of the top ten movies that you like. #Make a list of your favorite things. Whatever they are, it doesn't matter. Even if you are embarrassed of them, write them down. Own those. #Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Wake up each day and do things you enjoy. Now you don't need to worry about your game anymore